By Your Side
by hollygwood
Summary: Kurt broke up with Blaine three long years ago, when they couldn't make it work long distance. Kurt thought it was over, until the mail arrived that morning. Post college, T rated New York Klaine three/four shot. Fluff, angst and kisses.
1. Chapter 1

Oh dear.

I've written this thing...It's about 14,000 words long so I've split it into three chunks. Here's the first. This is an after college New York thing. I'm not selling it very well I know. It's Klaine, but there's Hummelberry friendship, and a tiny bit of Quick and Finchel. It's a lot of fluffy, a lot of angst and some kissing with no smut. I just wrote it all last night when I should have been doing something useful and then it ran away and now I want to post it. So there's two more parts after this. Reviews and favourites and alerts are always appreciated, they make me feel so good.

I think partly the reason I wrote this is because I can't stop thinking about episode five and this is the longest week ever.

The title comes from the song By Your Side by Sade, and I will use some more of those lyrics later on. Also I really don't know New York so it's all guess work and it's meant to be fiction anyway :-)

Ok, here we go. I don't own Glee. This is rated T because there's swearing and drinking and a little bit of violence.

**By Your Side **– Kurt broke up with Blaine three long years ago, when they couldn't make it work long distance. Kurt thought it was over, until the mail arrived that morning.

Rachel Berry woke up every morning feeling pretty damn pleased with the way her life had turned out thus far. That was mainly due to the fact she woke up every morning in New York city, and whilst admittedly the apartment she shared with her friend was just slightly bigger than a hamster cage, she couldn't care less.

Rachel Berry loved waking up and knowing she wasn't in Ohio. She loved opening the blinds and seeing the city skyline. She loved the fact her wardrobe was bigger than her kitchen, that her fashion sense had finally developed into something resembling 'acceptable.' She loved the cold New York winter and the warm summer, she loved fall in New York and spring too. She loved Starbucks on every corner and the theatre every weekend and parties almost every night. She loved cocktail bars and the gorgeous, intelligent men she met.

She even loved her job as a waitress. Sure, the wages were crappy, but her dads were more than happy to help her with her rent, meaning she could still enjoy cosmopolitans and the occasional designer item from her favourite department store.

Of course it wasn't her dream, but Rachel Berry wasn't worried. Of course she wasn't. She knew how talented she was, and she'd barely been out of college four months. She was auditioning for everything she saw, and she knew one day soon she'd get her break. In the mean time she'd wait tables and daydream about her fame and sing while she served until customers complained, and she'd sleep with beautiful men she met, but only if they bought her a decent dinner first.

Last night hadn't been one of those nights. She'd had a date with Jesse St. James, a man with whom she'd had a crazy and at times difficult romantic entanglement with in high school. Though they hadn't dated since their last time fooling around in her senior year at McKinley (the thing that did indeed put the death stamp on her relationship with Finn – she didn't count the time he'd visited after her graduation from NYADA when they'd had sex in the shoe box sized kitchen- no, she and Finn were so done) they'd both ended up in New York, Jesse acting in various small fry parts in musicals and plays in the New York scene (though they were small fry, Rachel was still jealous) and had become firm friends.

So she'd spent a pleasant, platonic evening with Jesse, and had been home before midnight, which left her waking up at six feeling refreshed and ready for her morning gym session. Rachel had never had a problem with mornings, and being in New York only heightened that fact; she loved everything and everyone around her, she had dreams and she wouldn't be wasting a minute more of her precious life asleep than she needed to.

So, what else to say about Rachel Berry? She may look like a young, New York cliché as she walks briskly back from the gym, hair pulled back from her face in a sleek ponytail, pink hooded top and black leggings, a grande Starbucks skinny hazelnut latte clutched in one hand, her blackberry in the other, but she's not really the person this story is about.

It's the person she lives with, her very best friend in all the world; closer than Jesse or Finn or Quinn (who she became firm friends with the night before McKinley graduation and skypes every night from where Quinn is living in Florida with a law degree, a burgeoning baby bump, a golden retriever and a husband called Noah, but my goodness that's another story) who matters here.

The person she has no secrets from, who she's been living with for the past three years and now four months. The person who she first moved to New York with three years ago, who she went to NYADA with, and who now works as a stage hand at the Gershwin theatre (alright for some, he's bound to catch a break sooner than her.) His name is Kurt Hummel.

She and Kurt had always had a strange relationship. Though they were the same age at school, they largely avoided each other until the whole New Directions thing really started up when they were both in sophomore year. Then they got thrown together, along with Tina, Artie and Mercedes and from that moment for the majority of sophomore year, they rarely (never) got along.

Kurt thought Rachel was a stuck up, annoying, bossy little show off, the only thing going for her being her powerful voice. Rachel thought Kurt was a bitchy, overly sassy, irritating, mean, snide and spiteful person who was trying to make her life miserable, never understanding quite how miserable he, in fact, was himself. It was in their junior year that they actually began to hit it off as friends. Yeah, they still annoyed each other no end, but their rivalry became more fun than actually because they wanted to beat each other. When Kurt was lonely, sometimes Rachel would be the only one at school to notice, and when he was being harassed, Rachel at least attempted to stop it, despite not ever hitting five foot two.

Then there was senior year, where they definitely had their fair share of ups and downs. But they came through it as best friends, ones who teased and bitched and whined at each other ninety percent of the time, but best friends nonetheless.

When they both got accepted into NYADA to study musical theatre, they decided to move into an apartment together. They stayed in that apartment for two years, then spent their final year in an ever so slightly bigger place, the one they still lived in now.

Rachel ran into said apartment that morning after her gym session, having already picked up their pile of mail from the locked box in the lobby. She dropped her keys on the kitchen side and sipped delicately from her coffee as their cat, Patti (it was a coin tossup between Patti and Barba and Kurt won, much to Rachel's chagrin) whined for food.

"Ok, fatty, hang on in there." Rachel laughed distractedly, pouring out some dry food for the Patti, who leaped upon the food the second it was put on the ground, as she shoved the mail on the table next to her keys and leaned against the counter. She glanced at her watch. Near eight am. She walked towards Kurt's closed bedroom door.

"Baby, you up?" She called.

"Yeah, just a minute." He yelled back, and she nodded and headed towards her own room, chucking her finished Starbucks cup into the trash as Patti stretched, having finished her food, and settled on the arm of the beat up leather two seater couch.

Meanwhile, Kurt Hummel stood in front of his bedroom mirror, spraying his hair with product and tucking a very stubborn strand that just wouldn't sit behind his ear. He straightened his scarf (Alexander McQueen, because you can never have too many, and eleven ISN'T too many, regardless of what anyone says) and began shoving his keys and other belongings into his leather shoulder bag.

Once he had everything together, Kurt glanced at his watch. Near half eight, the time he liked to leave ideally to get into work by nine (well, he had to allow time for Starbucks, didn't he?)

He headed out into the main apartment and heard the shower going. He wandered into the kitchen, scratching Patti's head on the way past. He was just about to grab his bag and leave when he spotted the mail, and decided to leaf through it before he headed out. He shoved his bag down and picked up the pile of letters.

Phone bill, water bill, electricity bill, store card bill...Kurt winced at that last one and crossed his fingers, hoping there'd be some overtime for him at work next weekend. He couldn't seem to help himself; when it came to shopping he'd forget he was a very poor student working sixty dollars a day as a stagehand.

But there was one more letter at the bottom of the pile. It was addressed to both him and Rachel, and it felt expensive and thick, their names and address type on in fancy font. He turned it over and tore it open. It felt like an invite, and the posh, thick paper was folded over.

He unfolded it fully and began to read.

When he'd read to the bottom he began to feel vaguely sick. It was like the apartment was caving in on him, everything felt stifling, and he could barely breathe, like all the air was being crushed slowly and painfully out of his lungs, because this could not be happening. He was still staring at the invitation with watering eyes, and he could see his pale hands were trembling.

He didn't know what to think, or how to feel, how one could react to something like this, all he knew was that his heart had just dropped and was now situated somewhere way below the ground floor of this high rise apartment complex. He swallowed and forced back the tears. Why was this such a surprise? Why hadn't he seen this coming? After all it had been years. What did he expect?

"Are you ok, Kurt? You've gone white." Kurt looked up to see Rachel exiting the tiny bathroom space, wrapped in a bathrobe and towel drying her long dark hair, her brow furrowed in concern, biting her lip.

"Mmmm. Fine." Kurt lied, because all he knew was that he couldn't talk about this right now. She would find out, but he felt too humiliated and ashamed at his reaction to talk about. "I need to go." Kurt picked up his bag and rushed away, his whole body shaking uncontrollably, the invite dropping from his hands as he did so.

Rachel continued to frown, barely having time to blink as Kurt exited _stage left _as it were, as fast as his legs would carry him. Then she noticed the thick piece of paper that had fallen out of his shaking hands on the way out of the apartment. She bent down to pick it up, then read it. Once. Twice. Three times.

"Oh dear." She murmured, running a hand through her still damp hair, as the puzzle in her mind fitted together with horrible accuracy. "Poor Kurt."

_Blaine Zachary Anderson _

_Lucas Samuel Turner_

_Request your presence at their wedding_

_On_

_Saturday the twenty eighth of January, two thousand and fifteen._

_At_

_The Four Seasons Hotel _

_Reception to follow_

_R.S.V.P_

Kurt only managed a couple of blocks before he had to slip down an alleyway and collapse on to his knees. The alley was filled with overflowing trash cans and the pavement was absolutely filthy, but his legs had given up the ghost, and as he fell to his knees he wretched, expelling the small contents of his stomach behind one of the aforementioned trash cans. He felt disgusting and wiped his mouth with one shaking hand, not even finding it within himself to care about his skinny jeans making contact with the vile mess that was probably on the floor, and the fact that he'd gotten puke on his black pea coat. He leaned against the dirty wall and tried his level best to combat the shakes and the nausea.

He had no right to react like this, he told himself, as he laid his head back, it bumped painfully against the ragged brick work but he barely felt the pain. He could feel a small trickle of liquid work its way down the back of his neck but he barely noticed. He put his fingers there absentmindedly and realised dimly it was blood. He didn't care.

He definitely had no right to react like this, had stopped having the right to react like this the second he'd dumped Blaine just three months after he'd started college, over three years ago.

After several minutes Kurt found the strength to stand up. He rose on shaky feet and stumbled his way back to the apartment building. It had been longer than he though, and thankfully Rachel had left for work while he'd been chucking his guts up in a back alley. Kurt picked up his iphone dully and looked blearily at a text she'd sent him in between the time he'd run out of the apartment and the time he'd arrived back. Kurt. I know this is hard. If you wanna talk I get off for lunch at one. Text me. Love you x

Kurt swallowed and made a quick call to work, telling them he was sick. Since he'd scarcely taken a sick day since he'd worked there, and he sounded so croaky and awful anyway, they believed him and told him to get well soon. Then he shoved his cell phone to the far corner of the room and searched around the kitchen cupboards until he found what he was looking for.

The bottle of vodka. Rachel and Kurt rarely socialised in the apartment, it was far too small, but they kept the bottle there for emergencies, and Kurt was damned sure this was big an emergency as there was ever going to be. He needed to forget everything, his name, Blaine's name, Lucas' name...

Ignoring the fact it was barely ten am, Kurt Hummel poured himself a large straight vodka, then took the bottle, the glass and his ipod out on to their teeny weeny balcony. He sat down and drained the first glass in one gulp, before pouring himself another double measure.

He watched the New York skyline, watched the birds swooping in the cold blue sky, took in the strange beauty of the buildings, and he drank and drank and drank, memories flying around his head like little insects as he let the alcohol take hold of him. Because even though he was drinking to forget, all the vodka did was make him remember every tiny little thing about Blaine, about their relationship. The good things, like dancing with Blaine at prom, the first time they kissed, the way Blaine sung him to sleep at night, holding hands in the coffee shop, sitting in the sun making each other bracelets, and also the bad things. The things that still haunted Kurt to this day.

_Flashback 1:_

"_I don't wanna go." Kurt was panicking as tears cascaded down his cheeks. "I d-don't, Blaine. I'll stay in Ohio. Please don't make me go." _

"_Kurt, don't be r-ridiculous." Blaine's voice was trembling but he stood his ground. "This is such an incredible opportunity for you. You got into NYADA. You and only nineteen other students. You're...you're going to do amazing things in that city." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "With or without me."_

"_But I won't be with you." Whispered Kurt, that thought bringing on a fresh round of tears as he clung helplessly to Blaine in the terminal of Lima Allen County Airport. "I can't be without you. I can't. I need you."_

"_Yes you can. You're so strong. You're...I'm going to miss you so much. But we'll skype every week and text every day." Blaine pulled Kurt further into him and brought up their interlinked hands, kissing Kurt's fingers gently over and over. "I'm not letting this go without a fight. Believe me."_

"_I'll miss you." Kurt's lip wobbled and his words were trembling. "So much."_

"_I'll miss you too, baby. You can't comprehend. But you've got Rachel. I've got Tina and Artie. We're gonna be ok, I promise. I'd never break a promise to you, ok. You know that, don't you?" Blaine's voice was fierce and Kurt clung onto that promise. _

"_I love you so much, Blaine Anderson." He sobbed, squeezing him one last time as Rachel, Burt, Carole and Rachel's dads (who were all taking the flight to New York with them to settle them in) walked over. _

"_I love you too, Kurt Hummel. Go change the world." Blaine didn't hide the tears that rained down his cheeks as he finally unlinked their hands. Kurt was still sobbing too as he waved one last time to Blaine and then disappeared behind the security screen. _

_Kurt Hummel cried the entire flight to New York._

_Flashback 2:_

"_I can't do this anymore."_

_Kurt gripped the phone so hard he was surprised it didn't crumble underneath his fingers. This was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life, and he didn't want to do it. _

_But he had to. He was sick and tired of being miserable when he was supposed to be at his happiest. There was only two options, two ways out of this misery. He had to pick one, and he really had no option when it came down to it. _

"_Can't do what?" Blaine's voice sounded shaky, and Kurt hated that he was doing this over the phone, but he couldn't fly back and do it, was far too cowardly for that, and he couldn't bear to do it over skype, see the look on Blaine's face when he ended their two year relationship. _

"_This. Us. We've tried. But I can't be away from you and be with you, Blaine. It hurts so much." Kurt struggled to force back the tears, and the ominous feeling that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He had to do this. It was the right thing. He'd never been so miserable in his life, and when you're a freshman at college in New York studying something you'd always dreamed of with loads of amazing new friends, living in an admittedly tiny apartment with your best friend, he sort of knew that's not how you should feel. Instead of being out and about with his and Rachel's new friends and enjoying the city he'd always dreamed of, he couldn't help but spend his time sitting in his room missing Blaine so badly it felt like someone was stabbing his heart repeatedly. "Long distance. It's not working out."_

"_Please, Kurt. Don't do this. I'll fly to New York to see you. I've got some savings, I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do anything. I don't care. I need you." Blaine's voice was desperate and Kurt couldn't bear to listen to it, just wanted to end the call but knew in his heart of hearts that he couldn't do that to Blaine, that he deserved more than that. He deserved more than Kurt, and it was part of the reason he was doing this. He knew Blaine must be feeling as miserable as he was. _

"_So we can do the emotional goodbye thing all over again? No, Blaine. I can't. We can't. We both deserve more than this shit." Kurt swallowed._

"_This shit? That's seriously all you can say about our two year relationship?" Blaine spat, his words melting into anger. _

"_You know that's not what I mean. I love y-"_

"_Don't you dare say those words to me, Kurt. Not if you're going to break up with me." Blaine snarled, then his voice softened again. "I need you." The last three words were whispered, and Kurt nearly crumbled. _

"_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's over. Goodbye." And with all the willpower he could find, he pressed the end call button. Then he deleted Blaine's number from his phone. He knew some couples who broke up could remain in contact and become great friends, but he also knew he and Blaine weren't one of those couples. They'd always been more intense, more in love, more in tune with each other than any other couple he'd known, and he would never be able to look at Blaine and not want him. _

_Neither could he deal with this long distance relationship. So it was with a heavy heart that Kurt deleted his number, changed his facebook relationship status, and removed every picture of himself and Blaine he had. He didn't remove them completely of course, he simply put them in a box, with everything else that reminded him of his ex, and shoved them to the back of his wardrobe. _

_A small piece of Kurt Hummel's heart was boxed in there with them. It would never, ever belong to anyone but Blaine Anderson. _

Kurt stumbled upwards, the vodka having gone straight to his head on an empty stomach. The memories were too much but at the same time in some sadistic way he was enjoying reliving them. He never usually let himself remember his time with Blaine because it hurt too much. Had he ever let himself think about the happiest time in his life he would never have been able to move forward.

He walked through the apartment to the wardrobe. Much of his stuff had gone into storage, but that box...he had never been without it, throughout college and when he and Rachel had moved apartments into this slightly bigger one, the box had stayed with him. Of course he hadn't looked in it since November 2011, it was too painful.

Now though, with the vodka numbing his emotions momentarily, he staggered through the apartment and yanked the box down. He felt stifled, even panicky while he was inside so he took the box out to the balcony again, where he sat down and yanked the lid open.

Pain hit him in wave after powerful wave, so strong he was nearly sick again.

He'd forgotten that while memories can comfort, that can only go so far. Then they begin to choke you, when you remember how much you threw away, how much will never be like it was.

Pictures, pictures, pictures. All of him and Blaine.

Him and Blaine sitting in the park, hands locked, the sun behind their heads, Blaine smiling at Kurt, who was staring at the camera. Him and Blaine at a table in a restaurant, Blaine kissing his cheek. Him and Blaine on Kurt's graduation, both smiling happily, Kurt in his cap and gown. Him and Blaine walking along in Lima hand in hand, taken from behind, an artistic snap Quinn took while they were all out on a sun drenched walk one day the summer before Senior year. Him and Blaine messing around with the effects on Blaine's macbook. So many pictures. Then the last picture, one of Blaine that Kurt took just when he'd woken up. His hair was curlier than ever before, sticking out at all angles. He wore a white t shirt that stretched to show his collarbone, his hazel eyes were sleepy but wide with love as he looked at Kurt who held the camera. That picture was taken just two weeks before Kurt went to college.

Kurt closed his eyes and when he opened them tears were dripping down his cheeks. He moved the pictures aside and moved on to the randomly assorted objects in the box. A pair of bright yellow rimmed sunglasses, a grey t shirt, several bracelets, a book called 'One Day' that Blaine had kept trying to persuade Kurt to read, without success. Some sheet music for a song called 'You Are The Moon', and several CD's.

Kurt bit his lip so hard to stop himself crying out that he actually drew blood as he sifted through the CD's and caught sight of the cover of the last one. Katy Perry – Teenage Dream.

Then at the very bottom of the box was a letter. With shaking hands Kurt picked it up and unfolded it.

_Dear Kurt, _

_You're in New York! At college! _

_I hope you're having a fabulous time and not meeting any tall, blonde, muscular city boys (or at the very least for some crazy reason prefer your short, curly haired boyfriend back home.) As I'm sending this you've only been gone two weeks. It feels a lot longer. I know we're skyping and texting and calling but I thought I'd write you a letter, so you have something nice fall through the letter box in case you're feeling homesick/Blainesick. _

_I miss you. _

_I think that's an understatement, but I'll go with it. I miss you so so much, I miss your voice, the way you hold me, I miss you in the choir room, walking down the halls, in the park (I especially miss you in my bedroom..) But seriously, nothing's the same without you. I can sing something in glee that reminds me of how much I love you, but when I look around you're not there. I've been singing a lot of songs for you recently. _

_But you're having the time of your life in your favourite city in the world, so that makes me feel better when I'm sad. I hope everything's going so amazingly, you really are the best person I've ever met in my life and you deserve every good thing that's going to happen to you. I can't wait for you to change the world, and you will. You're one of a kind, and that's a promise. _

_I guess you're probably rolling your eyes because I'm such a sap, and now you've got it in writing, on paper that that's exactly what I am. I'm not sorry. Because I love you, love you so much that being apart from you feels so wrong. That's now in writing too. So if anything ever happens...to us, you always have the proof, you'll always have it officially written that I love you so much, and I'll never know anyone as wonderful as you, Kurt. _

_I'll see you soon. I love you, my special one. Never forget that. _

_Love always, Blaine xx _

By the time Kurt got to the end of the letter his heart was physically aching and he bent over the paper and sobbed until he felt like he would break in two if he cried anymore. Then he put the Katy Perry CD in the CD drive and played Teenage Dream on repeat until he fell into a drunken sleep.

"Kurt? Kurt? Kurt wake up!" Kurt pulled his eyes open and tried to focus his thoughts but fuck his head was throbbing and someone was shaking his shoulder really annoyingly...

"Ok, Rachel I'm awake!" He snapped blearily as he realised it was Rachel. He was trying to find his bearings and was vaguely aware of Teenage Dream still playing on a loop.

_I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece...I'm complete._

"What's...have you been drinking, Kurt?" Rachel sniffed and glanced over the living area, where all the bits from the 'Blaine box' were scattered, the three quarters empty bottle of vodka sat and Katy Perry was still warbling her heart out.

"Yes. I've been drinking. I took the day off work and sunk most of a bottle of vodka while crying over the fact Blaine is getting married in a month. So kill me." Kurt sat back and rubbed his aching forehead, as if trying to rub away this knowledge. "If you wanna be a good friend right now I suggest Tylenol and NOT talking about it, or ever referring to him as 'the one that got away.'"

Rachel sighed and returned a minute later with two Tylenol, a glass of water and a cold compress. She switched the CD player off and Kurt made a relieved sort of groan, took the pills, sipped the water and lay back, applying the compress to his forehead. Gradually his early evening hangover began to alleviate slightly.

When Rachel returned a few minutes later she wore sweatpants and a long sleeved t shirt, her hair pulled back. She perched on the sofa next to him. He groaned and without opening his eyes he mumbled "piss off Rachel."

"No. You can't let this drag you down, or I know you. You'll mope for weeks and as much as I love the drama of lost loves I love you more and I don't want to see you miserable over this, Kurt." Rachel sighed, stroking his hair softly.

"Blaine's not a lost love." Kurt tried to argue feebly.

"You loved him, though." Rachel replied softly. "It's natural to feel like this."

"It's not. I dumped him and now I feel so heartbroken and jealous I want to die." Kurt argued back, still not opening his eyes or moving the compress.

"Maybe you should go and see him. I mean...he sent you the invite even though you two never talk anymore. You haven't seen or heard from him in years. Why do you think he sent you the invite?" Rachel continued to stroke Kurt's hair.

"He sent it because he's always been polite. Either that or he wants to rub my face in it." Kurt muttered grumpily, sounding a lot younger than his twenty one years.

"You know Blaine wouldn't do that. If I were you I'd go and see him. Clear the air." Rachel patted Kurt's ruffled hair one further time and then left him to it. He sighed and closed his eyes again. He knew in his heart of hearts the air between him and Blaine had been anything but clear for about six years. He picked up a change of address card Blaine had sent him a couple of years ago, and stared at the New York address until the words went blurry and his eyes began to water.

He remembered when he'd received that, the first contact Blaine had given since the break up. There had been nothing personal about it, just the standard change of address message everyone got. Kurt had been shocked Blaine was in New York, but had never found the courage to visit him.

He had been scared, terrified of seeing Blaine. Seeing if he was hurt, or if he'd moved on, if he'd changed or if he was still the same. Blaine was the one person Kurt knew could break him without having to even say a word.

Of course, he'd made sure he kept vaguely updated with what Blaine was doing with his life from Wes and David who still spoke to him regularly and chatted to Kurt every now and then. He'd discovered over the years that after McKinley graduation Blaine had skipped college to work his way up in the music business, and was currently doing session work for various artists, though David had let slip that several music moguls were interested in Blaine's budding talent. Who could blame them. Blaine had a perfect voice, a wonderful song writing talent and played piano like a dream.

So as distant as Kurt felt he kept from Blaine, he had liked to know what he was doing. But whenever Wes or David or Tina or whoever tried to tell Kurt how Blaine was feeling about the break up or if he missed him he'd cut them off entirely.

He couldn't handle it.

To say Kurt was conflicted over whether or not to visit Blaine was definitely an understatement.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all alerts and favourites, you're all really cool. Without further ado, I give you part two.

I still don't own Glee.

By Your Side, part two.

The next day (a Saturday) found Kurt Hummel standing outside an apartment building on the opposite side of the city from him. The air was freezing cold but Kurt made no move to buzz up to apartment forty two, floor four. His hands were buried deep in his coat pockets, his quick, nervous breaths were sharp and short and he was still in two minds whether or not to even see Blaine.

He hadn't seen Blaine for three years, since they'd broken up. As small as Lima was, they both did an excellent job of avoiding each other, and their mutual friends made an effort to keep them apart too. It made Kurt wonder what kind of a mess Blaine had been in after they'd split. Or maybe he didn't care and just crap talked Kurt loads and they didn't want there to be a fight?

Kurt knew in his heart that wasn't true, Blaine was a good, polite, kind hearted person who rarely trash talked anyone.

Kurt didn't know why he was nervous. It wasn't like anything would happen between them. Their chance was gone. Too much time had passed and Blaine was getting married, for God's sake. He shouldn't feel nervous. This was just tying up a loose end from his past, one that had needed to be tied for three long years. They were both older now, both more mature, both could handle friendship.

Right?

Kurt chewed his bottom lip and stared up at the building, forcing himself back to the present. He felt nervous and scared and ridiculous and foolish but another emotion was overriding them all.

Excitement.

He realised he really, really wanted to see his Blaine.

No, Kurt stop that. He's not your Blaine he's...that other guy's Blaine now. Kurt swallowed, tried to shut his insane brain up and buzzed the apartment before he could chicken out again.

"Hello?" Blaine's voice came down the speaker crystal clear, and for a few seconds Kurt was speechless. That voice was so familiar to him it felt like coming home, and it occurred to Kurt that maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe he wasn't ready for this, maybe...

"Hello?" Blaine's voice once more, not impatient or rude, but polite as he'd always been.

"Blaine..It's Kurt." How he managed to get those three words out was remarkable. There was a silence, and Kurt was afraid for a few awful seconds that Blaine didn't want to see him. Then the door buzzed and opened, and Kurt pushed it open, pressing the lift button manically, because suddenly all he wanted, all he needed was to see Blaine, he needed it so badly it actually hurt him somewhere deep in his gut.

The lift didn't arrive quick enough for Kurt's liking, so without thinking twice he ran up the staircases until he reached the fourth floor. He pelted down the hallway and when he looked up he saw Blaine.

His Blaine.

Leaning against the doorway, his curly hair was falling softly over his forehead, and he was still short, and he still had the most lovely, warm eyes Kurt had ever seen in his life. He was wearing beige chinos and they were rolled up and a black v necked t shirt and nothing had changed. He'd grown into his looks which made him even more handsome, but apart from that, nothing.

Same old Blaine.

For a second Kurt hung back, awkward and shy and afraid even though all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Blaine and remember what it felt like to be really, truly happy.

"Are you gonna stand there all day or have you not got a hug for an old friend?" Blaine smirked, and that was all the encouragement Kurt needed. He threw himself into Blaine's arms, and suddenly they were both gripping each other so hard it felt like a life line for both of them. Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder and couldn't help sniffing his neck. Blaine still smelt the same, he smelt like high school and happiness and being so in love he could barely think straight. The hug lasted a long time, and when they finally separated, it felt like a great deal of time had passed.

"Hi." Kurt said, smiling. The greeting was anticlimactic but Blaine smiled back and pushed open his front door, gesturing Kurt to go in. He walked in and smiled around him. The apartment was nice. Small, but so Blaine, with books and music everywhere, a small piano in the corner still taking up more space than was ideal. There were photos all over the place, and it was messy but organised, with piles of sheet music, books and magazines on all the available surfaces.

Suddenly, something on Blaine's bookshelf caught his eye. He walked over, and saw a photo, not in a frame just leaning against some books.

The picture was of him. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. It was at Nationals, just after Kurt had come off stage from singing his solo, and just before they won. Kurt's eyes were bright in the photo, as he looked at Blaine, his arm lifting to grab Blaine's hand, his hair pushed off his face, smiling like he rarely smiled.

Up until this day he realised with a jolt, that smile had only ever been for Blaine. That made him feel strangely empty and oddly pleased at the same time. Kurt sighed. Feeling so many different emotions at once was already exhausting him.

"You have a picture of me?" Kurt blurted out, replacing the photo and turning to face Blaine, who walked up to him, smiling softly.

"You're still the most important person I've ever met in my life. Why would I not have a picture of you?" There was a strange emphasis on the words, but Kurt couldn't work out what it was. He smiled back at Blaine. "Do you want a drink?"

"Coffee would be nice." Kurt replied gratefully, and Blaine let out a small light laugh before nodding and heading into the kitchen.

"Something funny, Anderson?" Kurt asked, eyebrows raised as he followed him into the kitchen area, surprised at how quickly he fell back into teasing Blaine, despite the passing of so much time.

"No. Nothing. I was just thinking how some things never change. Once a coffee addict, always a coffee addict." He produced two mugs and Kurt laughed along with him. He thought of their many, many coffee dates. He remembered the very first one, in the Dalton hall, when he'd been so afraid, so scared, so unlike the confident person he became once he and Blaine had begun dating. It came as a sudden shock to realise how much Blaine had helped him grow as a person, how much he'd been there for him.

Once Blaine had made the coffee they both sat down on the sofa, and suddenly the atmosphere became awkward. Kurt sipped his too hot coffee before replacing it on the table, wringing his hands and staring around the room.

"So I could bullshit you with the usual small talk but since it's you I think that'd be a little insincere, so I might just ask you what you're doing here, considering it's been three years since I've seen you, and since we've talked." Blaine was the one with raised eyebrows now. He didn't sound mad, just confused. There was something else in his voice that Kurt couldn't place.

"I think you know why I'm here." Kurt replied, crossing his legs and taking another sip of his slightly cooled coffee.

"The wedding?" Blaine put his own cup down and leaned forward.

"Yes the wedding!" Kurt didn't understand how the conversation had got quite so deep quite so early, he hadn't banked on that. But now it had he may as well say what he thought, mainly because he'd forgotten how impossible it was to lie to someone who knew your face better than you did, even after three years of separation. Lying to Blaine would never be an option.

"I..." Kurt continued, "who are you marrying? I've never heard of him!"

Ok that wasn't exactly what Kurt wanted to say, wasn't eloquent and it didn't particularly make sense. Blaine's eyebrows knitted together and Kurt could tell he wasn't happy.

"Well of course you haven't heard of him you cut me out of your life!" Kurt hadn't been expecting THAT to come out of Blaine's mouth, when he'd been so polite and civil thus far. "And just so you know, you stopped having the right to judge who I'm with or what I do when you dumped me!"

"Are you just gonna guilt trip me? Is that why I'm here? Why did you even send me a wedding invite? We're hardly friends, we're not close anymore. What was that going to do other than destroy me?" Kurt exploded, slapping his knee with his hand in distress.

"Oh don't talk to me about destroying people, Kurt. You did far more than destroy me three years ago, you took everything away from me and then you never thought to check if I was handling it ok. You ruined my life and any semblance I might have had of a happy life at that point. I was bitterly, horribly miserable for years. I thought I was going to die! I thought I'd never be happy again. And in some sense I haven't been." Blaine stopped talking and dropped his gaze to the floor, his cheeks dusting pink.

"So you're admitting you sent me that wedding invite as...as some sort of revenge? Just because I dumped your ass and made your senior year suck a bit?" Kurt didn't know what was happening to him, it was like he had no control of his own voice. For some warped reason he wanted to make Blaine hurt, mainly because there was a pain beginning to blossom in the vicinity of his own heart and he didn't like it, he was over Blaine, over this...

"Suck a bit? I cried myself to sleep every night for months and months. I thought I'd never be ok again, I didn't want to get up in the morning, I couldn't eat. I didn't sing for months. I was a mess, and the worst part was you didn't even care. I lost you, I lost your family, I lost...everything." Blaine stood up and began to pace. "You have no idea what it was like for me, do you?"

"Yes I do!" Kurt screamed, standing up too. He wanted to shake Blaine. "I was miserable too. So so fucking miserable! I missed you so much when we were apart. You were always stronger than me, could always handle things better than me. I couldn't handle being apart from you!"

"So you dumped me over the phone and deleted everything to do with me. I know. I remember." Blaine snapped. "Are you even sorry?"

"Is that what you want from me, Blaine? An apology?" Kurt walked closer to him, his heart thumping like a drum beat. "Is this what all this is about?"

"No. I want..." They both knew what was on the tip of Blaine's tongue, but he shook his head. "No. No."

"Well I am sorry! I'm sorry for hurting you but the truth was I thought it'd be better for both of us in the long run. We both deserved more than that long distance relationship, Blaine. Surely you could see that?" Kurt's tone of voice turned soft, like he was begging.

"I don't know, Kurt. All I know is that I loved you. That was all that mattered to me. I missed you. Of course I did, but I could deal with missing you as long as you were mine and I was yours." Blaine's voice was hopelessly small and lost and Kurt swallowed hard.

"I loved you too." Kurt replied gently. "So much. You know that, don't you? I would hate for you to think I never cared. I did. I do..."

"Yes. I know that." Blaine swallowed and glanced around his apartment. The silence was heavy and pregnant. One of them had to break it.

"Could me and you...could we ever..?" Kurt asked tightly, not finishing the sentence. He couldn't believe he was saying it, it was like his mouth and his heart were taking over and he couldn't stop them. However, Blaine shook his head and Kurt felt something deep in his chest actually break.

"No, Kurt. We're over. I'm marrying Lucas. I love Lucas. He would never do what you did to me, and after feeling pain like that...that's all I now look for in a relationship."

"You've changed so much. You used to..." Kurt stumbled over the sentence, unable to say what he meant. In some ways Blaine was changed but in others..it was like they'd never been apart.

Blaine shrugged. "I was really hurt, Kurt. It does that to a person. Before we broke up I wanted big things. After...I just wanted to get through the day." Kurt winced.

"I deserve to feel terrible like you're making me feel."

"I'm not trying to make you feel terrible, Kurt. I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I'm genuinely sorry if my wedding invite did that. But like I said, you're still the most important person to me ever. If you weren't at my wedding...it'd feel wrong." Blaine shrugged his shoulders.

_It'd feel wrong because you're meant to be marrying me!_ Kurt wanted to yell, wanted to scream. But the fight had gone out of him. Blaine was marrying someone else, someone who had proved they were more trustworthy with Blaine's big, beautiful heart than he was. He was getting no less than what he deserved. He had broken Blaine. Sure he might have broken himself at the same time, might have been doing it for valid reasons, but he'd done it. Now he had to pay the price.

Kurt shrugged bravely. He needed to be alone, needed to cry, couldn't fathom the pain of going to a wedding and watching Blaine marry someone else right now. "I'll try and be there."

"Will you have...a date?" Blaine was treading delicately.

Kurt shook his head. "I'll bring Rachel, I guess." Blaine nodded and showed Kurt to the door. Just before Kurt walked out of the apartment, Blaine said one more thing.

"Why...is there any reason you're not with anyone?"

Kurt sighed a long, deep, shuddering sigh. He turned to Blaine, about to spin a lie but not bothering the second he looked into Blaine's hazel eyes.

"Every man I've been with since we broke up has told me they feel like there's something missing from me. Like I'm tied to someone else." Kurt shrugged his shoulders and walked away, not quite making it to the end of the hallway before he began to sob bitterly.

Blaine watched Kurt walk away, heard his sobs and saw his shoulders shake, and he wanted to go after him so badly he began to cry himself.

But he couldn't. He just couldn't.

That night, Kurt didn't know how he managed to make it home. He stumbled through the streets, broken, totally broken. He'd mourned the relationship to a certain extent when he'd ended it three years ago, but not really. Not enough. He hadn't gone through the sheer volume of pain that Blaine had gone through.

Now he was feeling it. It felt like he was dying, like he'd never be ok again.

At some point he managed to find a cab and direct it to his apartment. By the time he arrived home it was dark, his phone had twenty missed calls, and Rachel was frantic.

He let himself in the door and fell straight into Rachel's arms.

"I was so WORRIED." She scolded him, pulling him close as he began to sob painfully onto her shoulder. "You were gone when I woke up, you wouldn't answer the phone. I called everyone we know in New York city. I even called Blaine." Kurt jerked his head up.

"What did he say?" Kurt sniffed. Rachel sighed.

"He said he'd seen you. That you were in a bad way. He sounded pretty bad too actually. I was just worried you'd go and be stupid or get drunk and not be able to get home or something. Please don't scare me like that again, Kurt. I know you're hurting, God I'd be hurting if I were you. Just don't close off. Please talk to me." Rachel had never sounded so human, so upset, and she pulled Kurt onto the sofa, realising he was shaking from being out in the cold so long, and she pulled a blanket around his shoulders and hugged him, and they sat that way for what felt like hours, just holding each other close as Kurt wept for everything he'd lost.

Everything he'd lost but hadn't realised the extent of how bad it was until this very moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Part three. There's one more part after this, the epilogue.

There is a part of this chapter that was based on a mixture of two things: A scene from a film called 13 Going On 30, and a particular episode of Friends. :-)

Is it Tuesday yet?

I don't own Glee.

By Your Side, part 3.

The weeks leading up to the wedding were the hardest of Kurt's life. Blaine called once or twice but he couldn't bear to talk to him. Even hearing Blaine's voice would cause him acute pain.

Kurt would go to work, come home and sleep. He rarely did anything else. He'd talk to Rachel. He'd cry and on a bad night he'd have a few drinks.

He'd think about Blaine all the time. Every night, and every day. He dreaded the wedding while at the same time some sick part of himself looked forward to it.

Not the whole seeing Blaine permanently tie himself to another man part. Just the seeing Blaine part. Seeing Blaine in a suit. Kurt knew he had to stop, knew how hard the wedding was going to be. He'd considered not going, considered it so much, but he knew he had to. Not just because he wanted, no needed, to see Blaine so badly, but because he felt he owed it to Blaine, in a weird way. He'd hurt him so much, and the fact he regretted it, wished he could take it back, knew it was stupid, he couldn't. The least he could do was support Blaine at his wedding.

Two days before the wedding, Blaine, Carole, Finn, Tina and Artie flew in. Wes, David and assorted other friends and family of Blaine weren't coming from as far, so Kurt would see them on the day. He met his parents and brother at the airport, and guided them to their hotel. Tina and Artie were staying with a friend, so he agreed to catch up with them later.

His friends and family all seemed to be giving him worried looks, and he knew it wouldn't be long before his dad gave him some kind of pep talk.

Sure enough, he was right. Kurt had barely walked him and Carole up to their room, while Finn settled in next door, when his father sat down on the bed and tapped it.

"Come and have a seat, Kurt. We need to talk." Kurt sighed and walked over to his father, sitting down and feeling about sixteen years old again.

"Dad, I'm not going to ruin Blaine's wedding." Kurt sighed, eyes downcast.

"I just...kid I'm worried. You seem so down. And don't bullshit me and say you're fine, cause you sure as hell are NOT fine. You look like you've barely eaten or slept in about a week, and it can't go on this way. Blaine's marrying someone else. And yeah, I guess we all thought you'd end up together but you haven't. It was obviously not right between you and Blaine. So just support Blaine, be there for him but most of all look after yourself, ok buddy? I don't want you getting yourself sick over this." Burt rubbed his head worriedly as Carole unpacked the wedding clothes and pretended not to listen.

"I know Dad." Kurt replied tiredly. He leaned against his father and Burt pulled his son in for a hug. "I know."

So the weeks passed, and finally the twenty eighth of January dawned. It was a beautiful day, cold and bright and sunny and crisp. Kurt hadn't slept much the night before, and he woke up with a feeling of dread in his stomach. It wouldn't shift as he tried and failed to eat breakfast. It wouldn't shift as he phoned his dad and Tina and agreed to meet them all at the Four Seasons. It wouldn't shift as he put on his suit and did his hair. It wouldn't shift as he complimented Rachel on her admittedly lovely Marc Jacobs green dress. It didn't shift as he got a cab to the hotel, or as he talked to Wes and David and everyone.

Kurt adjusted his tie and glanced around the group of guests, some of whom were all chatting, laughing and smoking, while others were already heading into the hotel.

Burt, Carole and the others all took their seats, while Rachel and Kurt went to take theirs, which were in a different part of the room, a little nearer the front. They walked in and followed the directions. The function hall was grand and pretty and beautifully decorated. Kurt felt sick when he realised it could have been him marrying Blaine here if he hadn't fucked things up so monumentally.

He and Rachel presently took their seats, but once they had done so Kurt couldn't sit still. He glanced over at a door that he had a feeling would lead to an antechamber.

An antechamber where the bride or groom might be.

Kurt knew he couldn't stand it anymore. He realised too late he HAD to speak to Blaine one last time before he got married. He physically couldn't wait until after he'd done it, it had to be NOW. It was now or never.

"Be right back." He whispered to Rachel and disappeared before any of his friends or family could realise he was missing or where he was. He pushed the door open and held his breath. If It was Lucas he'd have been in a load of trouble.

He thanked his lucky stars as he opened the door and saw Blaine doing his tie up as he stared sombrely into a mirror. Blaine looked lovely, and for a second Kurt forgot everything he'd been about to say.

No he didn't just look lovely. He looked absolutely breathtaking in his suit and waistcoat and tie, his beautiful dark curly hair tamed with only the smallest amount of gel, his hazel eyes as big and kind as ever.

"Kurt?" Blaine spun around and hissed his name as he noticed his presence. "You cannot be in here. Lucas would go crazy!"

"I'm sorry...I just needed to see you before you did...this." Kurt replied, shutting the door behind him.

"What makes you think you c-?" Blaine began but Kurt stopped him, his voice raised, his eyes wet.

"WHY DID YOU MAKE ME GO YOU STUPID BASTARD? I WOULD HAVE STAYED IN SHITTY LIMA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE FOR YOU, BLAINE!"

"I stand by my decision! How would I have felt if you'd stayed in Lima just for me? New York was always the right place for you!"

"Where you are is the right place for me, Blaine!"

"Kurt, you can't come in here and say things like this to me. I'm getting married in twenty minutes. Please, I'm begging you!"

"I just need you to know that if you gave me another chance I would never fuck you around again. I promise! I'd never let you go again, never be so stupid as to break up with you again. We're Kurt and Blaine, we're always going to be Kurt and Blaine!"

"I'm getting married, Kurt. It's not gonna be Kurt and Blaine again. We're too late, we've come too far."

"You can't let me go, Blaine. Please." Kurt began to cry, his sobs bitter and broken.

"Don't cry, Kurt. Please it breaks my fucking heart. Listen to me. I love you. I will always love you, until I'm in a wooden box six feet under the ground. But we're not...we missed our chance. And now I've got this new chance. Nothing will ever be like it was for you and me...but this is what I'm getting now. I never thought I'd be happy again after you. And now, I'm...this is my new happy and I'll take it. If you'll let me. Please. Please Kurt." Blaine was nearly crying too.

Suddenly Kurt realised how terribly, horrifically selfish he was being. He took a deep shuddering breath, and he knew Blaine was right. This would hurt like hell, but he had to let him go. It was the very least he owed this man, the kindest, sweetest, most gentle, courageous and loving man he'd ever know. If this would make Blaine happy, if this was what he wanted, he deserved it. Deserved someone who might give him all the love that Kurt had been stupid enough not to give him.

"You're right. You deserve to be happy. And if he makes you happy...I want you to go out there and marry him and live the most wonderful life you can, ok Blaine?" Kurt whispered through the sobs. Blaine looked torn.

"Oh, Kurt." He whispered, taking in his heartbroken face. "I..."

"Really. I'll be ok." Kurt swallowed back a fresh round of tears. "And we can be friends now, right?"

"Best friends." Blaine replied, taking Kurt's hand and squeezing it hard. "Forever."

"Just know I'll love you forever, Blaine." Kurt smiled through his tears, and with that he left him in the antechamber and took his seat beside Rachel. She didn't say anything, just took his hand and held it. He smiled despite the niagra falls running down his face and laid his head on her shoulder.

A few minutes later the wedding begun. Kurt turned his head and watched Blaine walk in. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone look so beautiful. He felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, he knew he'd never feel 10% of what he felt for Blaine about anyone else on earth. Blaine was perfection personified.

He caught Blaine's eyes as he walked up the aisle, so much was said in a one second glance that Kurt wanted to run away, far away where he wouldn't have to live the pain of watching Blaine marry someone else. But he stayed. He watched Blaine walk up the aisle and reach Lucas. He watched the Minister take his place in front of the two men.

"Friends and family, loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two people; Blaine and Lucas." Kurt sat forward, his heart thumping so hard it actually hurt his chest. "Now, repeat after me, Blaine. I, Blaine."

"I, Blaine," Blaine replied, his eyes looking far away and misty.

"Take thee, Lucas."

"Take thee, Kurt."

It took about three seconds for total pandemonium to break out.

Kurt barely heard anything. Just a roaring in his ears, and Rachel and several hundred other people murmur "oh my god." He began to shake uncontrollably, his legs numb. Did he just say my name?

The assembled guests began to whisper and everyone looked in total shock. Tina and Artie were staring at Kurt, guests Kurt didn't even know began to tap other people's shoulders. He heard the same words all around the room.

_Who is Kurt?_

Lucas was staring at Blaine with a look that Kurt simply could not describe. It was beyond anger.

Blaine looked out at the guests and for a second his and Kurt's eyes met. Kurt shrugged his shoulders slightly and bit his lip, too shocked to even begin to describe his emotions, let alone wonder what was going on in Blaine's head.

Blaine turned back to the minister and Lucas. Lucas leaned forward, and Kurt heard him mutter "can you give us a minute?" The minister nodded and ducked back into the antechamber.

"Just give us five minutes, guys." Lucas called, and the crowd began to chatter without shame, most still looking out for the mysterious Kurt. Kurt himself ducked his head. He could feel his father and Carole's eyes burning into him. Rachel was still sat, mouth agape, and he was pretty sure Tina and Artie looked the same. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Wes and David staring at Kurt. Was it just Kurt, or did Wes look...not pleased, but not surprised. Sort of like they expected it to happen, but not in such a monumentally train wreck-esque way.

"Kurt?"

"Who's Kurt?"

"Certainly not his fiance that's for sure!"

The whispers continued and Kurt felt his cheeks burning up.

"Kurt..." Rachel began, her voice on edge.

"Ok just to be clear I have no idea what happened." Kurt breathed, not wondering what to do from here. He decided to sit it out, though his face was crimson and his heart was thumping and he didn't know what to do, all he knew was that for a second he felt a flash of hope. It was so wrong. That hope wasn't his, and oh God Lucas must be spitting blood...

"Hey, Kurt buddy." Kurt turned around at the sound of his father's voice. "Come outside a minute." Kurt stood up and followed his father out.

"I-don't know what's going on." Kurt mumbled, staring at the ground, hard.

"Me neither, kid. But I know one thing; he sure as hell shouldn't be marrying that guy." Burt replied, fidgeting awkwardly in his tight suit. Kurt sighed. He was so jittery he could barely stand still and he was feeling faintly sick. He stared at the door to the antechamber wondering what was going on in there between Blaine and Lucas.

"Dad..." Kurt sighed and stared down at his feet. "He needs to do what makes him happy. For too long he focused on my happiness, and now I've finally realised it needs to be what he wants."

"Kurt, the guy just said your name when he was supposed to be marrying someone else. I think it's pretty damn obvious what he wants."

At that moment the antechamber door opened. Blaine skulked out, he was also the colour of tomatoes, right to the roots of his curly hair. His eyes met Kurt's, and he walked slowly over.

"Lucas wants you in there with us." Blaine's voice was barely a murmur, but the crowd had, funnily enough gone silent, and every neck was craned, every ear listening.

If it wasn't obvious who Kurt was before, it was now.

Kurt and Blaine headed back toward the antechamber. They walked in and closed the door on the crowd, who had begun to gossip again. Kurt walked in and when the door closed he looked up, swallowing hard.

Lucas was standing before him, his face screwed up with rage.

"You've been fucking my fiancé, haven't you?" His voice was low, but there was no calm to it, no, he was furious, and before Kurt could answer, Lucas walked forward and pulled back his fist, punching Kurt hard.

The right side of Kurt's face felt like it was on fire so hard was the punch that he actually felt his cheek split, and felt the blood trickle down to his neck and drip onto the white collar of his dress shirt.

"Lucas, what the fuck!" Blaine yelled, grabbing at Kurt and sitting him down on a chair. "Kurt, are you ok? Oh god. Oh god."

"Blaine, I'm fine." Kurt's voice was muffled as he held his horrifically sore face with his hand and looked up at Lucas, who was breathing heavily and cradling his fist into his chest.

"No you're not, Kurt." Blaine pulled Kurt's hand away and hissed at the purple blossoming on Kurt's face, the split in his cheek, the darkened eye.

"Listen." Kurt was a little unsteady on his feet because the pain was still making him feel a little sick, and the smell of the blood that was still slowly dripping onto his collar was strong, but he ignored it and walked slowly towards Lucas. "I understand why you did that. But I promise. I swear, on my father's life, my best friend's life, my step brother's life, on Blaine's life that we have not slept together, not kissed, nothing. Blaine is such a good person and he would never ever cheat on you or any other person. I've seen Blaine once in the past three years. Yes we dated, I don't know if..."

"Yes he has told me about you." Lucas didn't sound quite so mad anymore. "He told me he will always love you a little bit, but not as much as he loves me. That all he wants is to be your friend now."

Tears began to drip down Blaine's cheeks. "I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse and no one was really sure who he was saying the words to.

Lucas sat down and Kurt sat down beside him, because the room was still spinning.

"I'm sorry you both got hurt because of me. I hate myself, I never wanted anyone to get hurt I just wanted to stop feeling so sad all the time. I'm so sorry, Lucas. I just...I..." Blaine continued to cry bitterly, reaching out for Lucas.

Lucas stood up and put two gentle but firm hands on Blaine's shoulders. "Blaine, stop it. Stop thinking about the past, stop thinking about the future. Stop thinking about everyone else. What do you want? Who do you love?" His voice was raised, but not angry.

"I'll always love Kurt the most." Blaine whispered, his voice shaking, tears dripping down his cheeks. Lucas nodded. When he looked up his eyes were tight and his jaw was clenched hard.

"This is partially my fault. I knew you were still in love with him but I forced this wedding on you. I just...hoped we had a shot I guess. But I was wrong to think that. You were always his, and you always will be."

"I'm so sorry, Lucas. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was over him. But you deserve better than me anyway. But I promise I never cheated on you."

Lucas was crying but his smile was genuine. "I believe you. Kurt...I can't say I'm sorry about punching you because I kind of hate your guts because I'll never be able to compete with you." He took a long, deep breath. "I guess I need to go and find my own Kurt, huh?" Blaine nodded tearfully and wrapped his arms around Lucas.

"Thank you." He whispered in Lucas' ear, and Lucas nodded and brushed his wet eyes before turning to Kurt. Despite the bruise and the blood and the dishevelled state of Kurt, Lucas didn't think he'd ever seen anyone's eyes shine with so much love and hope for the future.

"Good luck." He said, reaching one hand out to Kurt. Kurt looked surprised and touched at the gesture, and grabbed his hand. Lucas shook it and then dropped it, smiling sadly one last time at the two of them before exiting the antechamber, his shoulders still shaking.

For a few seconds there was silence. But it wasn't awkward, or uncomfortable. It was natural, like the silence after a storm, or when the last piece of the puzzle had finally been slotted in.

Blaine closed the gap between them both physically and emotionally and wrapped his arms around Kurt, leaning his head on his shoulder, just enjoying the peaceful moment with Kurt, something he'd been denied for three long pain filled years.

"I've missed you s-so much." Kurt's voice cracked halfway through the sentence, and Blaine pulled him closer still, if that were possible. "I haven't been whole for three years."

"Me neither." Blaine smiled back, though he was crying again too. They stayed entwined in each other's arms until Blaine pulled away, sighing. He knew he had to deal with everything, with about two hundred people who were expecting a wedding, half of which were Lucas' family who probably wanted to lynch him. "But now I need to go and deal with everything out there." He sighed. "Stay with me?"

"Where else am I gonna go?" Kurt replied, and he followed him out of the room towards the waiting crowd.


	4. Epilogue

The last part. Thank you for all the feedback, you're all gorgeous. :)

The lyrics at the end don't belong to me, they're from the song 'By Your Side' by Sade. If you'd like I really think you should listen to it (if you haven't before) as I think it's perfect for Kurt and Blaine and sums up the whole fic really. Also this is the song I picture them dancing to in this chapter as well. Fluff galore here.

Don't own Glee.

By Your Side, epilogue.

Three years later

Lots of things have changed in three years, Rachel Berry thinks, as she gets up at six am and heads to the gym, picking up a Starbucks on her way home, but some things have stayed the same.

The good things have stayed the same. And the bad things? It's as if they don't exist anymore.

Rachel doesn't wait tables anymore. Not since she got the role of Maria in West Side Story. On broadway.

She doesn't live with Kurt anymore, either, but more on that later.

"I'm home!" Rachel grins, as she clatters her keys down on the side of her still small but no longer tiny New York apartment. Her first cheque from Maria compared with his money from working the past few years guaranteed them they could live in a nice place in the city.

She wanders through the apartment to the bedroom, where he hasn't yet moved from the bed.

"Wake up sleepy!" She grins, crashing down on to the bed once again. He groans.

"It's still the middle of the night!" He groans blearily, but he leans up and kisses his persistent little hobbit girlfriend, pulling her down beside him. "I love you."

"I love you too." She grins, snuggling back down beside him under the covers, because although Rachel Berry still doesn't believe in sleeping her life away, there's nothing wrong with a little lie in once in a while, especially with her wonderful boyfriend.

Said boyfriend tangles their hands together and kisses her gently once, twice, three times. "It was always you, you know that right, Rachel?"

"I know that." She replies, shifting closer. "It was always you too, Finn."

X

"Kuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrt!" Blaine's voice is whiney and Kurt laughs lightly as he hears his whinging boyfriend through the apartment.

"What is it?" Kurt grins as he continues to fix his hair in the mirror.

"You're making us late and I made a reservation." Blaine groans as he walks into the bedroom to see Kurt hopelessly playing with the bits of his hair that won't stop sticking up. It's summer time in New York, which means it's very hot and very sticky, and that plays havoc with Kurt Hummel's hair.

Blaine's too, for that matter, but it's ok for Blaine, he looks adorable when his curls go all afro and crazy. Kurt just looks plain crazy as he sprays more hairspray over it in despair.

"You look perfect. You always look perfect. C'mon." Blaine whines again, hugging Kurt from behind and squeezing him tightly. He's not tall enough to lean his chin on Kurt's shoulder, so he simply buries his face in Kurt's back and kisses it.

"Get off you little cling on. God, you're like a monkey." Kurt pretends to be annoyed by Blaine for about ten seconds before he turns around and kisses him lightly on the lips. Blaine leans in to deepen the kiss, his hands reaching up to rest on Kurt's warm cheeks, but Kurt pulls away.

Blaine moans like a toddler whose had his favourite toy train taken away. "You're no fun, Hummel. No fun at all."

"I'm plenty fun. But we're late. You said it yourself." He leans down to Blaine, one hand gripping the back of his head, his dark curls wrapped up in Kurt's fingers and kisses his forehead. "Later." He breaths, before straightening up and adjusting his ridiculously tight skinny jeans.

"I love you." Blaine murmurs. His voice is gone, the lust has taken it over and Kurt grins, winking as he exits the room.

"I love you too."

X

"So where are we going, exactly?" Kurt grins as he and Blaine stroll down the street hand in hand. Kurt has always thought New York city is the most beautiful place he's ever seen, but now...now he gets to walk down the street with Blaine and look at the lights with Blaine and go to bars with Blaine and eat dinner with Blaine and walk around central park with Blaine...it's one hundred times more special than it ever was before.

Not that either of them have loads of time at the moment. Blaine's career is taking off, and Kurt's changed fields completely. Abandoning (for now at least; hey the world's his oyster) the idea of a career on broadway, he's taken up an internship he was offered at Marc Jacobs; he's going leaps and bounds there and he's never felt happier.

Of course a lot of that's to do with Blaine. But fashion is where he feels happiest, most at home, he can't believe he never thought about it before.

"Well..." Blaine stops as they get to one of central parks many entrances. "We're going in here."

"In here? Blaine it's eight thirty pm, I thought we had a reservation as a restaurant?" Kurt frowns as Blaine takes his hand again and leads him into the park. He walks a little left for about half a mile and then turns the corner, around a row of bushes and a bench.

Kurt follows him and stops stock still.

There's several lanterns and a picnic blanket laid out on the ground. On the blanket is food and drinks.

"How did you set this up, we've been in bed all afternoon!" Kurt grins, turning to Blaine in confusion.

"I had a little help." Blaine admits, and Kurt laughs as Rachel and Finn appear from behind a tree.

"Now we're leaving. Have a good night, love birds." Rachel giggles, pulling Finn away by the arm, who is giving Blaine a strange, guarded look. Kurt waves to them and turns back to Blaine.

"How are you so perfect, Blaine Anderson?" He laughs, as Blaine takes his hand once again and leads him over to the blanket.

"I thought you'd laugh at the ridiculous cliche'd romance of the whole thing, truth be told." Blaine grins in the darkness, pouring out drinks and handing one to Kurt.

"I'm laughing on the inside." Kurt replies, and his voice is thick and heavy with emotion because he can't believe Blaine would do all this for him, and both of them know he doesn't mean the words, he's not laughing, he's just so happy he can barely breathe.

The evening stays warm, the lights of the city around them, the velvety sky, the orange glow of the cars, everyone looks so beautiful to them.

It's so quiet and peaceful, something both men will never get tired of. Both men who have been so at odds with an ever un-peaceful world for so many years can now just relax, safe in the knowledge that they are two halves of a whole.

But peace can't last forever, and there's a faint rumble in the sky.

"Oh shit, the rain's coming." Blaine mutters, beginning to tidy up the picnic stuff. He's not quick enough though, and within two minutes it begins to rain, slowly at first but soon enough the droplets are pelting down heavily and the two are both drenched.

"I'm going to kill you, Blaine Anderson." Kurt growls, his hair plastered to his face, shivering in soaking wet Marc Jacobs, arms folded.

They make to leave but Kurt stops when he realises Blaine isn't following him. He turns and sees Blaine kneeling on the sodden grass.

"B-Blaine?" Kurt stammers, and it's not from the cold, because the rain is actually pretty warm.

"Kurt, there was a reason I brought you here tonight, and of course it fucked up because it's me and I can't ever seem to do anything right, but I need to do it. I want to do it. Kurt Hummel, I love you so much. I've always loved you, from the first second I saw you on a staircase in a school in Ohio when I was so lonely I didn't want to live a day longer, I loved you when we were at McKinley, and then when you left for college, when we broke up and all the way through until right here, right now. I just love you, I will never love anyone else like you, that I know for sure. You're not perfect, you're only happy when there's trouble and you bitch and moan and we'll fight, I'm not perfect either. I know all that. All I know is that we're perfect for each other and I want to marry you, I want you to be my husband and I want to spend every single day of the rest of my life fighting and bitching with you, because it's the only way I'll ever be happy. Kurt Hummel, will you marry me?" In Blaine's outstretched, rain soaked hands is a black velvet box, and when he flips it open Kurt sees a white gold band resting in the box.

"Oh my god." Kurt murmurs. He forgets the rain and the ruined clothes and the park. All he sees is his Blaine, because he is his Blaine, he'll always be his Blaine, and the ring and the thought that he gets to wake up every morning and have this wonderful man lying next to him.

So it's raining and it's not the perfect romantic scenario he knows Blaine was trying to make it. But that's ok, because that just sums them up. Not perfect, never perfect, but able to withstand the elements, to withstand whatever life happens to throw at them.

Rain or shine, it's Kurt and Blaine.

"Yes. Yes of course I'll marry you Blaine!" Kurt replies, bursting into tears. Blaine grins, tears in his own eyes and works the ring onto Kurt's finger. Then he lifts up Kurt's dripping hand and kisses where the ring now sits. "I love you Blaine." Kurt pulls Blaine up fully and their lips clash, wet and warm and soft, arms entwined around one another.

Around them people are running to hide in doorways and under umbrellas, but in central park two men stand, arms wrapped around one other kissing, not seeing or feeling the rain or anything else for that matter. They just see each other.

X

Another year later.

"Kurt, come back here I'm not done with your hair." Mercedes is yanking Kurt back towards her, fussing with his hair as he peeks through the curtain at the hall rapidly filling up with people he loves.

He sees his dad and Carole looking so happy and proud and excited. He sees Wes, David and a whole host of other ex-Warblers, Nick, Jeff and Trent are all there, with their partners, David with his twin two year old boys and Jeff with his wife, who looks so pregnant she might burst there and then. Trent's partner James is there too, holding Trent's hand and whispering in his crimson ear.

He sees Finn and Rachel holding hands, and Kurt doesn't miss the way Finn keeps checking his pocket and swallowing nervously every time he feels the little black box he showed Kurt last night, containing the perfect square diamond on a white gold band he's going to use to propose to Rachel that night.

He sees Quinn and Noah and their four year old Tallulah, and beside them is Shelby and Beth, six sitting in between her and Noah, kicking her feet happily as Shelby plays absentmindedly with a strand of her blonde curly hair.

Will Schuester is there, of course, looking a little older but still pretty much the same as ever, with curly hair and already crying a little, and next to him is the petite, ginger and very pretty Emma Pillsbury, holding his hand and smiling at everything going on around her.

Artie sits beside Tina and Mike, who, back together after a long break seem happier than ever. Brittany and Santana sit a little way away, and Santana is kissing Brittany's neck while Brittany whispers something fiercely to her, and then Santana grins but reluctantly removes her lips from her fiance's neck.

Blaine's parents are there, looking a little lost, slightly uncomfortable, but proud nonetheless. Carole has sensed their discomfort and is leaning over the chairs to talk to them, and they seem to loosen up a little.

Everyone Kurt can ever think of loving is there, Sue Sylvester sniggering at the back of Schue's head, Jesse St. James and his girlfriend of almost a year, a bossy girl called Harmony who Kurt remembers they met at high school once or twice (small world, huh?) friends they've met in New York, his boss and Blaine's manager, and he smiles as he relents, shuts the curtain and lets Mercedes finish up with his hair.

Sure, there might still be prejudice in this world, but right here, right now, he can't see any of it. All he sees is that he found the perfect person for him, he's in New York, marrying him, in front of a group of people he loves, not one of whom are judging either of them.

So things look pretty damn amazing from where Kurt is sitting.

And then there's Blaine.

Blaine who he has never seen look more beautiful, more strong, more wonderful, more happy or more excited. Because this is it, this is the start of their future together, every day and every night it'll be them. The two of them. Together.

So when Kurt stands next to Blaine he feels tears spring to his eyes, and he sees them reflect in Blaine's own eyes. When you've had to come through so much, fight so many people and jump so many hurdles, just so you can marry the person you love, it feels like the most amazing thing in the world.

More than that, it feels like something Kurt thought he'd never have.

If you asked Kurt Hummel-Anderson what his favourite part of his wedding was, he'd be hard pressed to tell you. But if he absolutely had to choose, as much as he adored the ceremony (and the wedding night in the hotel...) his favourite moment was his first dance with Blaine as a married couple.

Blaine held out his hand, his lips curved into a smile, his eyes darkening with love. "Excuse me, may I have this dance?" Kurt smiled back at him, his special just for Blaine smile and reached out and took his hand and they walked slowly to the middle of the dance floor as everyone looked on, and the more sensitive souls (Will Schuester, Rachel Berry, Carole, and surprisingly enough Santana freakin' Lopez) began to tear up and cry softly into their tissues.

Once in the centre of the floor, Blaine laced his arms around Kurt's neck and rested them together on the back of his neck, gently curled in the hair there. Kurt wrapped his own arms around Blaine's slender yet muscular waist and they moved closer so that their eyes met and their bodies touched in every way they possibly could.

And they swayed, reminiscent of two kids in love at high school.

Except things were better now, so much better. They kept the roller coaster, giddy, can't get enough of you puppy love, but they were rid of the insecurity, the doubt, the leading separate lives.

It was Kurt and Blaine, together for the long haul. No matter what.

Kurt noticed almost nothing but Blaine during that dance. Sure, he was vaguely aware of the other couples joining in mid way through, of Brittany and Santana kissing slowly and passionately, Santana's arms wound round Brittany's neck. He noticed Quinn and Puck with their two children, Puck holding Beth, Quinn holding Tallulah, Puck's arms wrapped around his three girls, planting kisses on the children's foreheads and every so often on Quinn's lips. He saw his father and Carole awkwardly slow dancing, neither really being able to but not caring one tiny little bit because the love they shared mattered more than any dancing ability ever could. He saw Tina and Mike and Finn and Rachel (Rachel lifting her left hand every five seconds to examine her brand new engagement ring before laying her head back on Finn's chest.) He saw Schuester elegantly lead his red headed love to the dance floor and spinning her in and out as she giggled. He saw Jeff and his wife dancing slowly and softly together, Jeff every so often laying a gentle hand on her stomach. He saw Trent and David with their partners. He saw Wes ask Mercedes to dance, and the two of them swaying back and forth happily. He saw Tina break off from Mike just a minute before the end of the dance and heading over to Artie, who looked a little off colour, but after a few seconds with Tina began to smile again.

He sees it without really noticing. He's just aware that everyone around him is happy, and for once, for the first time since high school, he isn't almost sobbing with jealousy. He has his special someone, and they all have theirs. And maybe they won't all last, maybe some things will fall apart.

But for tonight, everything is perfect. Perfect.

And he knows without a shadow of a doubt he and Blaine are forever. He knows because he's lived a life without Blaine, and he's realised that though he can live without him, it's not full, it's a half existence. The two of them go together, they're not made to be apart from each other. Kurt can see that now.

So Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes and bends slightly so he can lean his forehead softly against his husband's. "I love you." He whispers, so close that the words tickle Blaine's cheek, and Blaine leans in, closing the last tiny space between them, and kisses Kurt's soft lips gently.

"I love you too. Forever."

So I'll end it here, I think. I'll end on Kurt and Blaine getting married, and becoming Kurt and Blaine Hummel-Anderson. I'll end it on the most beautiful wedding (where everyone said the right names) I'll end it on Kurt and Blaine finally getting what they had always wanted the most, on their friends and family laughing, crying and smiling along as they watched.

I'll end it on Kurt and Blaine living in New York together.

Of course it's not the end though. Kurt and Blaine want children, they have lives to live and jobs to do and fights to have and making up to do. They have friends to see. And of course there is Santana and Brittany and Finn and Rachel's weddings.

But that's the point. There's a whole life out there, and Blaine and Kurt can finally start living it.

_When you're lost, and you're alone, and you can't get back in again, I will find you, I will bring you home. _

_If you want to cry I am here to dry your eyes, and in no time you'll be fine. _


End file.
